Monday, June 16, 2014

Total Reliance Upon God

What does it mean to trust God? I mean to really trust Him??? I have been struggling in this area of my life, off and on for quite some time. I have often times found myself in situations where the only provision which was afforded to me was my faith. It has always been enough. Being the single mother of three girls places a lot of financial stress on me at times. There are seasons of my life where I find that I have just enough to make it through. Then there are those times where it is glaringly obvious that I just don't have enough. Those are some of the scariest times in my life. I hate not knowing how things are going to work out, mainly because I have to keep it all together for the sake of my girls. I never want them to miss a beat, if I can help it. 

So here I am at another crossroads in life where I find myself stressing about my financial realities. I have had to make sacrifices and still I am concerned  those changes are minuscule in light of the bigger picture. For the last three months, I have been stressing and worrying about things which are not in my power to change. There are systems in place that are supposed to alleviate this burden, but those systems have failed. So now what?

At the beginning of all of these changes, I found myself tired and discouraged. I was simply tired of relying upon other people to do what they are supposed to do. Tired of the fighting.  I earnestly prayed that I would not have to depend on any person or system as it related to the well being of my children. It feels too much like a trap, and I was more interested in getting to a place in life where my ultimate source of everything came from God. This is what I prayed. Little did I know, God was leading me to a place where this trusting him for everything would come sooner rather than later. In the midst of what I am going through at this very moment
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God is leading me to a place of total reliance upon Him as my source and resource.
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Surprisingly, this is a decision that I have peace about even though I have no idea how it will all work out. I know that as He gives me strength, I will continue to work. I will resume my MBA studies in the fall. I will continue to seek Him first as my source of comfort. I will continue to be a good steward with what He has entrusted to me, my children included :-) I am going to move forward in life, while continuing to acknowledge Him in all of my ways. I will not lean to my own understanding and I expect Him to direct my path. I know that He has great plans for my life. I will not be bitter, but I will operate in the grace and forgiveness of God as a woman who knows where her help comes from. I trust Him.


Moving to a place of peace and freedom,

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